So, You Want to Buy a Rolex? Well, Daddy-O, I’m here to Talk you Out of It!
Every now and then, a friend, colleague, or distant family member reaches out to me and declares that they have decided to buy a fancy watch. I happen to collect such things and that, apparently, makes me an authority on the subject.
This is equally as flattering as it is a drag. As any seasoned phone sex operator will tell you, if you’re required to have the same conversation time after time, the dreadful task of feigning enthusiasm eventually takes its toll.
I no longer ask from whence their sudden interest in watches stems because I already know. They have come into a considerable amount of money and they’re aching to spend it, preferably on something that says, “I’ve spent a considerable amount of money here.”
Rolex Yachtmaster 42 in RLX titanium
In other words, a Rolex. No specific model, any of the hot ones will do; as long as it’s brand new and available at list price. And of course, those parameters are nigh on impossible to satisfy.
“The shortage is real,” I explain, “and demand is rampant.” Never the response they’re hoping for. “Either accept the markup,” I suggest, “or explore Omega.” Contrary to popular belief, Omega is on par with Rolex, only it offers more for less.
The guy on the other end of the line usually finds this borderline offensive. “No,” they insist, “I’ll pay the premium.” Then, all too predictably, comes the caveat, “But if I’m spending that much, I don’t want anyone to think it’s fake!” Unreasonable expectations are unreasonable. Some people will, no matter what.
Rolex Submariner
Moreover, Rolexes are a liability to travel with, a bummer to live with, and – in most cases – uninspiring to behold, bereft of pizzazz and flair, basic in every sense of the word.
Strap in, everybody, we’re about to cover it all, starting with all this “I don’t want anyone thinking it’s fake” business and ending with the only circumstance under which it’s acceptable to buy a Rolex.
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Avoiding frequently faked models is a popular strategy among those plagued by the “I don’t want anyone thinking it’s fake” syndrome. They reason that people are less inclined to doubt the authenticity of an unpopular watch. Be that as it may, frequently faked models are the nice ones.
Rolex GMT Master II two tone
That’s why Rolexes are frequently faked. The rest of the range, although more accessible – at least in terms of availability if not affordability – is not immune to scrutiny.
While two-tone, dress, and/or sub-36mm options are seldom faked, just about any watch whose dial bears the five-pointed crown is suspect. In any case, droves of skeptical rubes will assume that your watch is, as Donnie Brasco would say, a fugazi.
So, forget about it. Instead, beware of those who believe (or know) that it’s real. Aside from judgmental types, who overtly disapprove of your choices, or bitter Betties, secretly turning green with envy, you have an entirely different animal to contend with: thieves.
Big, glitzy cities where you’d want to be seen wearing something nice (London, Paris, New York) are rife with sneaky pick-pockets and ruthless robbers, lurking in the shadows like creepy alley cats, leaning against you on crowded subway trains, or loitering outside your hotel’s revolving doors, ready to strike.
Rolex is the world’s single most recognizable watch brand. Naturally, most of its offerings are both especially easy to spot and especially prone to theft, being the easy-to-fence, hot commodities they are.
Rolex Submariner (right) vs. GMT Master II
So, think about that before parading up and down the Champs-Élysées, shiny oyster peeking from your cuff. It rather spoils the point, doesn’t it? You bought it, primarily, to flaunt it. And now you’re being told to leave it at home.
At home, things are different but no better. Those who covet their neighbor’s Rollie imagine that wearing one will elevate their image. i.e., make them look like winners, thus causing others to take them more seriously.
The sad truth is that (for the most part) nobody cares. I ought to know; I own one and wear it often. Despite that, the sleazy salesman from my local BMW dealership still won’t give me the time of day, let alone take me out on a test drive.
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The corporate stooge from my bank still won’t raise my credit card limit, let alone lend me some money. And last week I learned that the Embassy of Japan won’t issue me a tourist visa before seeing a long and healthy bank statement.
“You don’t understand, Mr. Ambassador, I’m wearing a twelve-thousand-dollar watch.” Suffice it to say, they told me – in so many words – to shove it, relegating yours truly to the ranks of Captain Koons and Major Coolidge.
Rolex GMT Master II
Anecdotal evidence notwithstanding, if you’re expecting your Swiss-made swag to change your life in any meaningful way, you’re in for a world of hurt. People see the big picture: The car you rode in on, the mansion it rolled out of, and the corner office it’s taking you to.
If we catch sight of you bathing in a pile of gold coins or eating a hotel room Snickers bar, we’ll put two and two together and assume that you are, as the kids say, a baller.
A nice watch, however, is only the cherry on the millionaire’s cake, worn by many and noticed by few. For it to make a statement, it needs to pack a punch. I think you know where this is going.
Rolex Submariner
Your run-of-the-mill, stainless-steel Rolex is nothing special. It is neither rare nor extensively hand-finished, neither high-end nor complicated.
In the grand scheme of things, it’s not even that expensive; not compared to what the Holy Trinity of the watch world (Vacheron, Patek, and AP) have on tap and a far cry from what the highest echelons of independent watchmakers are quietly working on.
And therein lies the rub: discounting obvious outliers (Richard Mille, I’m looking at you), once you hit a certain level of haut horology, the more exclusive and more expensive a watch is, the less likely it is to be recognized by the general public.
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Philippe Dufour, Kari Voutilainen, Romain Gauthier, Laurent Ferrier, Grönefeld, and Greubel Forsey are not household names, but they do represent the cream of the industry’s crop, all producing serious metal in low volume, reserved only for serious collectors and connoisseurs.
Estimated production numbers of Rolex Classic and Professional models
Rolex, on the other hand, is for everyone else: the wealthy and those who pretend to be. Yes, the brand has its collectors and loyalists, but they mostly focus on vintage and make up a tiny shred of the Rolex fanbase.
But I’m guessing you’re not part of that club. That’s okay, neither am I. So, why do I have one?
Electric blue dial. Orange lightning bolt seconds’ hand. Green sapphire crystal. Sheer lunacy from where you’d least expect; a combination way out of left field and so off-brand, it swept me off my feet.
I tried to talk myself out of it for a couple of years and failed. Just as well, the model has since been discontinued. At the time it was seen as the runt of the Rolex litter, widely available and priced like its Omega counterpart, which is just as whimsical, crazy seconds’ hand ablaze.
Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean on the wrist
As much as I like Omega as a brand, far more than I ever did Rolex, the watch itself gained the edge here, not the name on the box it came in. That’s what it boils down to: literally thinking outside the box, beyond the brand, the hype, and what will (or won’t) turn heads on the street or yield likes on the gram.
If you’re in the market for a new watch, here’s my advice: if there’s a Rolex that you like (and I mean really like), go for it. But if you just want a Rolex, you’re probably better off with an Omega.
* This article was first published on the 29 October 2023.
You may also enjoy:
Omega vs. Rolex: How Omega is Reaching for the Crown
Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean: A Modern Design Icon
Omega Aqua Terra: Is it TOO Good?
A Very Rolexy Rolex Discussion: 3 Reasons The Rolex Day-Date 40 Convinced Me
Why I Bought It: Rolex Sky-Dweller In Stainless Steel Rolesor
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I just had this conversation with my neighbor recently. Tried talking him into an Omega, but just doesn’t cut it for newbies, apparently. I’ve owned a handful of Rolex and Tudor watches, but I’ve sold them all and wear a beautiful, under the radar Grand Seiko quartz that I don’t have to worry about, outside of the occasional battery change.
Wow, the writer of this set out for a kill piece on Rolex, or he feels financially inadequate for not being able to afford a Rolex. Envious of the wealthy, who can afford several rolexes, Porsches and a Montana Summer home. I’m wealthy, have all that.
I’m not like the writer who takes zero risk in his financial life. He wonders why he can’t afford what I have in my 60’s. For my entire life I took risks, every investment is a risk. And the rewards are great!
Here’s what mr. kalra will never understand, Having a banner financial year. I do, and here’s a story for you. for 2024 I have a 3.5M Tax Bill, it was a good year. So before I write a fat 3.5M check to Uncle Trump next April, I’m gonna treat my wife to a Stainless GMT and myself to a Porsche GT3RS for $400K. And hopefully this will open Mr Kalra eyes, in 15 years the GT3RS will prolly be worth $800K.
Enjoy your Rainbow colored Omega Seamaster Planet Ocean, the hot lady across the table at dinner will think your wearing a Fossil. Because every Hot lady know a Rolex from across the room. And that ain’t no Rolex.
Obvious trolling, but I suspect the only ‘hot lady’ you’ll be talking to is the phone sex operator mentioned at the start of the article. Dream on…