My Vote For The 5 Ugliest Watches Ever
by John Keil
As the saying goes, “There’s an ass for every seat.”
While this is very true, I still find it so hard to believe that some watch designs are ever even considered, much less actually produced and ultimately purchased. In fairness, the following list may not actually contain the five ugliest watches ever, but they sure aren’t easy on the eyes.
While I might not win any fans from the brands whose watches I’ve nominated for this list, or those who’ve designed or purchased one of these works of horror-logical creativity, I would still like to have some fun at their expense.
#5 Krieger Skeleton Skeleton
The Krieger Skeleton Skeleton is ugly inside and out.
There’s a complete lack of fine finishing on the limited amount of plates and bridges, while a mangled skull hovers over the barrel with two rubies for eyes.
Krieger Skeleton Skeleton
I’m not going to say what the crown looks like to me – and I’m sure you can figure it out – but it isn’t as pretty as what comes to mind.
To add insult to injury, Krieger not only produced and tried to sell this watch, but continued to forge ahead by creating an incredibly creepy advertisement for it. Seriously: guyliner?
I imagine this dude listening to Goth music and doing some heavy drugs while watching a Saw marathon.
#4 Azimuth Roulette
Charlie: Hi, I’m Charlie and I have a gambling problem.
Azimuth: Hi, Charlie, we’re the Azimuth Watch Company and, boy, do we have the watch for you!
Azimuth Roulette
We took a big block of metal and put a really small roulette table on it that actually works. You activate the ball using the oversized dice cube that doubles as a crown.
By buying this watch, you and your buddies can lose money to each other all day long.
#3 Corum Rolls-Royce
If you lived in the 1970s, what would you have gotten for the cheeseball rich guy in your life with a fragile ego? A Corum Rolls-Royce watch, of course!
Corum Rolls-Royce
If this watch doesn’t scream, “I have a lot of money to waste and need to be noticed,” then no watch does! Its gaudiness can only be assimilated by the likes of a guy like this.
#2 Jacob & Co. Astronomia Tourbillon Baguette
I have to give credit where credit is due: the the Jacob & Co. Astronomia Tourbillon Baguette is one serious piece of horological mastery.
It is also fugly.
Jacob & Co. Astronomia Tourbillon Baguette
If the diamonds were removed and its size were scaled up 12:1 and then someone put it on a four-legged pedestal as the centerpiece for a museum, then by all means, it would count as a work of art.
But to see this monstrosity on an average wrist is simply absurd. It measures 50 mm in diameter and 25 mm in height!
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that it costs north of $1 million!
For more on this watch, please see Jacob & Co Astronomia Tourbillon Baguette: A Universe On The Wrist.
#1 Tiret Kanye West
Talk about ego.
First off I’d like to apologize in advance to anyone who likes this guy, but I’m going to say it anyway: Kanye West has to be the most egotistical, self-indulgent ass on the planet.
Tiret Kanye West
Now, I’ve never heard one of his songs so he may be a great entertainer, but I’ll continue to go the rest of my life not having heard one on principle.
West had this gold-and-diamond-encrusted piece of self-absorbed garbage commissioned from Tiret for $180,000 (see A Victory in Vanity: Kanye Spends $180,000 on a Watch with His Face).
In this watch blogger’s humble opinion, it is easily the ugliest watch that I have personally ever seen.
All opinions are my own.
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You could of filled all 5 spots with a selection of the horological abortions from Invicta
my vote Rolex Sky-Dweller reference 326139
How is the Sylvester Stallone Montegrappa Chaos not on this list??!!
That Krieger ad kills me –
” Alas, poor Yorick, he bought this watch ” and like Hamlet, he was surrounded by Clowns.
I’d have to agree with you on all five. Especially, the number one selection. I also agree about the man, he’s nothing more than a talentless A****le. My opinion are my own as well.
The Tiret is just bad taste and that is great you haven’t heard anyone one of his songs. Nowadays all they rap about is all the material stuff they can afford and how hey have money but why rap about something 99% of people can’t afford. Before it used to be staying relevant and rapping about things people on the streets can relate to but now they have just become the 1%. Would you rap about brushing your teeth? There are a lot of people who already live their lives like that as standard.
First of all, congratulations on the first use of the term “fugly” that I have seen on an online watch site; as for the Kanye watch, it must be doubly depressing to spend that kind of money on a likeness of oneself and receive a piece that appears to depict Kim Jong-un!
Fugly has been used before on an online watch site. A couple of them actually 😉
I would also like to add the Turntable watch that Grandmaster Flash tries to sell as “his watch”. Terrible.
What? No Hublot?
Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder. Admire your courage to write about this subject but it’s important to share you may find these ugly but few may like the same. But I do agree that this is your viewpoint that you find them ugly. Respect the same Cheers
I agree with all of them but not the Corum. I have to admit I like this one. Sorry!
Hi David, I actually like that one too. I find it displays Corum’s 1970s inventiveness. But John is certainly entitled to his opinion!
I agree with David. More then 30 years ago this watch was designed and it was the first collaboration between luxury automobile and watch industry. A must!
I don’t mind the Corum, but I am surprised to not find any Romain Jerome watch in here!
You probably could’ve had the 20 plus ugliest watches and Invicter could fill all the slots…
Thanks for the feedback everyone! Fun to read your comments!
I couldn’t agree more with the Invicta comments, but that could be a long post in and of itself. I also agree with Don’s vote of the Skydweller!
Cheers,
John
I came for seeing ugly watches…stayed for f*cking insulting my man Kanye. Am glad your idiotic ass at least says ‘I haven’t heard any of his songs’ so it least identifies you as part of the general ‘hate Kanye cuz that’s the popular thing to do’ crowd.
Ha! Well I’m glad you “stayed” because I insulted your “MAN”.
Thanks for visiting and staying!
#TeamTaylorSwift
LMAO!!!